Last week was a bit rough in the Robinson household. Last Tuesday we hit an anniversary that Ben and I never thought we’d see. Our 1 year anniversary of infertility. That’s 12 months… 52 weeks… 365 days…. 8,760 hours…. 525,600 minutes. Usually I’m really good at choosing joy and being content with where we are in our infertility journey, but last week choosing joy was a bit more difficult.
Last Saturday night rolled around and I was weak. I was emotional. I was seeking joy but wasn’t finding it. I knew that the weekend ahead was going to be filled with family reunions and BBQs and all I could think was if innocent Aunt Sue asked me “Isn’t it about time for you guys to have a baby” I would probably loose it. I started talking to God and telling him “I know you know what you’re doing, and I trust you, but I am a wreck. I feel like the promise you’ve given us is a thousand miles away. I feel SO needy right now, but you haven’t shown me any signs of Joy in a while and right now I could really use one.” I felt so dumb BEGGING God to show me a sign. I’ve never asked God to show me signs of Joy in the past, they usually just show up, but Saturday was different. Saturday I was desperate.
I finally cried myself to sleep and upon waking up Sunday morning I thought, “well, my plea didn’t work. I figured after I asked you for a sign I would have dreamed about Joy, but I guess asking for signs doesn’t work.”. I then looked at my phone to check the time and on my screen was a Facebook notification “Lin-z Dawn Williams-Raney posted to your timeline.”. I immediately got on Facebook to see what she had posted and there it was….
All I could do was laugh. I felt like God was saying “HERE’S YOUR SIGN”!!! Of all the mornings for my sister-in-law to post a LITERAL SIGN on my Facebook wall, that was the perfect morning. I’m glad I serve a God with a sense of humor, A God who gives us just what we need (sometimes EXACTLY what we ask for), A God who cares about our feelings, and A God who never leaves us even when we are throwing ourselves pity-parties.