Hello blog, long time no see 🙂 With the hustle and bustle of life (aka Joyful Macarons), the past few months I’ve just posted quick/short posts on Instagram when God shows me signs of Joy rather than writing a whole blog post. But last night, last night deserves to be blogged. Last night God rocked my world and I just have to tell ya about it.
So most of you know that God recently started taking me on a new business venture called Joyful Macarons. How that business got started is a WHOLE NOTHER GOD STORY (be on the look out for a video explaining that coming out in a few months). But none the less, my evenings these days are filled with baking and delivering these tasty little treats known as French Macarons. So last night I loaded up my car with several dozen Joyful Macarons to take to Conway for a delivery. Usually if I’m delivering on a night Ben is working and I’m going to have to drive about an hour away I will ask my parents if they wanna tag along, and then we go eat dinner after I deliver. Well, last night was different. All week I’ve known I was going to be driving to Conway and every time I would think “I’m gonna call my parents and see if they wanna go too”, something would tell me “Nah, how about you just go alone this time.” (Even though I have to drive RIGHT by my Mom and Dad’s house to get to Conway, I still felt like I should go by myself). Now looking back I realize I was suppose to go alone so God could chat with me.
So 5 o’clock rolls around, I close my frame shop, then get in my car to make the hour drive to C-town. When I’m driving alone I like to talk to God. I like to crank my radio up and just drive in his presence, just me and my pal, God. As I’m driving down the highway I begin to notice every song that comes on the radio is speaking directly to me. Each one talking about Hope, and Joy, and God’s Promises. The more I drove the more those types of songs would play. I began to start worshiping and the Lord just kept telling me over and over again “Are you hearing me? Joy is coming. I see you, I haven’t forgotten about you. Just hold on… when the time is right I’m going to breath life into your baby girl.”Now this isn’t an unusual conversation for God and I to have, BUT…. USUALLY when God has to remind me of these things it’s when I’ve had a hard day. It’s when I’ve started to wonder WHY she isn’t here yet. Today was not that day. Today was good. So I literally laughed out loud and told God “I know that, silly. But thanks for the reminder.”
After I told God I was a-okay I was sure he was going to let the DJ start playing good worship music, but that didn’t happen. The rest of the way to Conway the music was the same type of songs and God kept telling me the same thing “I’ve got this. Don’t you worry.”. So I pulled into the parking lot of target and shortly after, my friend Brittany pulled up to get her macarons. Before I could give her her treats she pulled out a jar that was labeled “Prayer Jar” and it was filled with beautiful handmade bows. She told me “I’ve prayed over this prayer jar, and for Joy. I’m believing with you that she’s coming.” With tears in my eyes I took the jar, gave her the macarons, and then got back in my car to make the trek home.
I started asking God “Why are you telling me this? First you reassured me about Joy all the way here, now you’ve told Brittany to make this adorable prayer jar and bows to give to me tonight. I really appreciate the attention, but usually you don’t do this unless I’m having a bad day. I don’t get it? I’m not sad. I KNOW you see me. I KNOW Joy is coming. I’m not impatient (today 🙂 ). So why are you telling me this tonight?”. With no answer but the same types of songs still randomly playing all the way back to Searcy, I just went with it. I got home and wanted to rest a minute before I started filling macaron orders for the following day so I sat on the couch and opened my Facebook app.
Then BOOM! The first ELEVEN posts were all baby related… SEVEN pregnancy announcements and FOUR new babies that entered the world…. Like… what? how does that even happen on a facebook feed in one night hahahaha? So while scrolling through my feed, before I could even think a thought of pity God told me “Remember what we talked about tonight? I’ve got you. I remember you. Don’t let this Facebook feed get you down. These are your friends and I’ve had it in my plan for their children to come into the world. Don’t question me, be joyful in knowing that those babies are part of my plan just like Joy is. I don’t wanna see any sad tears tonight, because I’ve already reminded you that I’ve got you, OK?”. And just like that, the past 2 hours made so much more sense.
A lot of you reading this are probably thinking that I am selfish, and needy, and a spiritual spoiled brat. BUT I am thankful that God knows me. I’m thankful that he prepares me for situations before I have to get in the middle of them and try to sort out my human feelings on my own. Some may think “That’s rude of you to be sad when someone announces a pregnancy”, but infertility is a crazy train. I can be 100% extactic for a new mom-to-be, and also be 100% broken that it’s not me this time. I’m human. But I write these blogs to be transparent in hopes that another woman in my shoes can relate and maybe not feel like she’s nuts.
So on that note… if you’re reading this and you are one of those SEVEN pregnancy announcements , or one of the FOUR mommies holding their sweet new babies tonight…I just want to say a huge HIP HIP HOORAY for you. I want you to know that I can’t wait to watch your new journey unfold with your new bundle of JOY. Some of you made announcements and that little “announcement” wasn’t in your 5 year or even 10 year plan, but God sees you. His plan is better. His plan is good. And if you live close enough to me, I want you to know that I will be coming to see you to get baby snuggles to hold me over until my little bundle comes 🙂 YAY FOR NEW LIFE!